Reality Bites - Shivani Mohan (LIFE) / Khaleej Times 11 December 2010

Slam bam dial a scam. This topsy turvy year of uncertainties and scandals is slowly veering towards a teetering end. It has surely left many of us exhausted with the sheer stress of waking up each morning and wondering what the news would have in store for us. Even if you are not a newshound in the true sense of the word but vaguely follow current affairs, there is a chance that you end up feeling like a Sherlock style sleuth or at least a shady undercover agent, forever unearthing the contrasting pieces of a jigsaw puzzle called India. Till some time ago we could conveniently blame everything that was wrong around us on the infamous politicians, if not on unsuspecting spouses. In fact even till three months ago I could pin down displeasure or discontent of all kinds to the triumvirate of kismet, karma and Kalmadi. Not any more. The haloed list of horrendous howlers is getting longer and longer. Picture this. I have this magical, golden hued hour in the evening when after a long day of work I sit with my daughter to share some quality time watching TV. Now she is seven and totally in love with Mr. Bean while I can’t really stand the sight of his rubber faced expressions and oddities. I often berate him claiming he does not offer anything to learn or emulate. “Mom, he is sweet and really makes me laugh.” “But he is such a nit wit, duh!”  When I have had enough of the exaggerated eye-rolling and mumbling, I snatch the remote from her to watch the news. As she protests, I give her the argument “Let me at least see what’s happening in the real world?” To ensure I quit fast enough, she pretends to take absorbed interest in what I am watching and asks pointed questions “Mom, tell me what’s happening in the world?” I know a volley of questions is going to smother me. And she is a very perceptive child. She closely watches my expressions and asks, “Why are you looking sad now? Is there something wrong happening in the world?” Till a few days ago I could tell her, it’s a bad man, it’s a thief or it’s a terrorist. But these days I am at a loss. This is how our TV viewing ends up on most days. “Mom, who is this guy in orange coloured clothes with the long hair?” “It’s a Godman.”  “What are Godmen supposed to do.” “Err they claim to take us closer to God.” “Then why is he being taken away by the police?” “Maybe he was a little confused like you!” I jest. She rolls in laughter. That was easy. Phew! I change the channel. “Mom, who are these uncles in uniform with the chest full of medals?” “They are very senior defence officials.” “Mom are they brave? Are they even braver than Dad because they have so many medals?” “Sure they were brave enough to erect a tall tower on no man’s land and divide the houses amongst themselves thinking no one will notice in a bustling city like Mumbai.” Change channel. “Ok now what is this big hall, Mom?” “This is our parliament.” “What happens in a parliament?” “In a parliament all the leaders of our country get together and discuss and make all the big plans for our country.” “Why are they shouting and jumping so much, Mom?” “Errr… they must be a little upset today. Maybe because the parliament has been adjourned.” “What is the meaning of adjourned?” “When they have to suddenly declare holidays like it happens in your school sometimes, because of some problem.” “Oh, but see these few people here could not finish their class work. They are still writing in this big book.” “They are just signing the register to make sure they get paid the allowance for the day. Anyway let’s watch something else.” “Ok now who is he?“He is an IAS officer.” “Oh! You told me that we have to study a lot to become that, isn’t it? Why is he too being taken away by the police?” “Well, he actually turned out to be a mole.” “So are moles clever, Mom? You once told me there is a good clever and a bad clever. What kind of clever is a mole?” I switch yet again “Who is she now?” “She is a well known PR person.” “What do PR persons do, Mom?” “(Gulp) I guess they maintain good relations with everyone around and get things done.” “Who are these? “These are some bankers?”  “Cool. Why are they on news today?” “(Sigh) Let me not even go there….” By this time I start wishing for a censored version of news that could be specially aired for mothers of inquisitive seven-year-olds. I wish I could show my daughter something nice and redeeming and sweet and harmless and innocent. These reality bites are freaking me out. But I admonish her instead. “Can you just keep quiet? Your questions are freaking me out!” “So mom, can I put on Mr. Bean?” Yeah, back to Mr. Bean pronto! Everyone’s happy. Shivani Mohan is an India- based  writer. For comments, write to  opinion@khaleejtimes.com